I Surrender

Here I am, Lord. Crying at your feet again. Once again, surrendering my plans, my organized, color-coded fall calendar. In my rush to return to life as it was, I raced ahead of you.

As I lay on the floor crying over my plans, God began showing me His PLAN for a new thing. With tears flowing, my calendar on the fire of God’s will for me, I lay listening to “Oceans” and heard God calling me again to trust in His sovereign plan for me.

God always meets us at our breaking point, ready to repair broken hearts, broken lives, all the broken things. Sometimes we feel our suffering is so trivial compared to others. When people are losing everything they own, their very lives, we can feel our struggle is unimportant. But God cares for us. So wherever you may find yourself today, I pray you will hear God calling you.

“You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown

Where feet may fail”*

Our feet are weary, Lord, help us.

“And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours

You are mine”*

Isaiah 43-2 says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.” Lord, thank you that in you alone, our faith rests. In you alone can we stand.

“Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail, and fear surrounds me

You’ve never failed

And You won’t start now”*

Lord, we surrender our fear to you. When our feet fail, guide us with your hand.

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior”*

We surrender our plans to you. Help us go beyond where we could ever go without your Spirit guiding us. 

Every day we have a choice. Yet, so often, we rush ahead with our day before laying our plans on the altar of your Word. 

Lord, remind us to be still in Your Presence. To keep our eyes on you and not allow the fear of the unknown to consume our thoughts. 

Lord, during this season of so much unknown and so much change, guide us with your sovereign hand. 

I trust your plan, Lord. 

*Lyrics from “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)” Hillsong Worship.

Breaking Point

Broken, shattered, pieces scattered, cut adrift.

I thought August would look different this year.

God, I thought we were going to go back to normal.

Did I miss the memo? Does normal even exist?

When we decided to continue with virtual school this year, my emotions were all over the place. I knew returning to brick and mortar wouldn’t be best for us. Moving ahead felt impossible.

On the floor crying. Again. I was questioning God’s plan. Why? Why do I have to do this again? It didn’t go well last time around. Why would it be better this time?

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23.

His mercies are new every morning.

“I am repairing what was broken.”

Everything feels broken, God. I don’t know if there are enough pieces left to patch us up again.

“Behold, I am doing a new thing. Do you not perceive it?”

As I began wondering about repairing broken things, God reminded me of an ancient Japanese art form, kintsugi (golden repair). It is the art of repairing a broken vessel using gold lacquer to fill the cracks. Instead of hiding the imperfections, kintsugi highlights the repair.

“An art form born from ‘mottainai’ — the feeling of regret when something is wasted — and ‘mushin,’ the need to accept change: the cracks are seamed with lacquer resin and powdered gold, silver, or platinum, and often reference natural forms like waterfalls, rivers, or landscapes. This method transforms the artifact into something new, making it more rare, beautiful, and storied than the original.” Andrea Mantovani

So often, I want God to restore what has been broken or lost. Restoration is about returning a person or a thing to its former condition. God, in His infinite mercy, doesn’t just want restoration. He wants to transform what has been broken. He wants to create something new.

Sometimes during the repair process, pieces are missing or lost. Kintsugi art often consists of using a piece that wasn’t part of the original. As a result, the artist creates something unique and more valuable than the original.

I believed I wanted to return to normal, or even a new normal would be okay. But, instead, God is transforming us into something new.

As I am sitting in the middle of this repair process, I will allow God to fill in all the cracks with his special glue and gold dust blend. Things may get a little hot during the journey, but “The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.'” (Lamentations 3:24)